Hi.
Ok. Lets get a few things straight here.
1. You may be wondering, Tara, oh hey, youre in Africa, wicked cool. Oh and hey Tara, why does it seem like you always have a new blog or a Facebook posting? What kind of LOSER pays a shit ton of money to go to africa to hang out on the computer? Well... first of all... shut your face, no body asked you.
We do get free time, you know... of course, when the guides are not taking advantage of our man power and the fact that we really have to do everything they say. (they have tried to get me to do some pretty dodgy, oh shit no, i did not just.. oh those damn brits... lets just say... the guides love to mess with you, especially when you are a chick and your a newbi)
This is my day.
I wake to the sounds of monkeys fuckin around outside my cabin around 730am. Eat breakfast. Half corn flakes. Half strawberry puffs. FYI.
Morning session is from 8:30-12.
Then we break from 12-2 to eat lunch, blog, and talk shit about the guides. They are very talkshitable.
At 2, we have our second session until 5.
In between 5-6 a jeep honks the horn at the top of the hill. That means our dinner is here and we drop everything we are doing to go get it. Sun sets at 630.
After dinner and before bed you can really do whatever you want... you can hang in the tv room, but theres no tv. or you could play pool, but there arent any pool cues or balls. so basically doing whatever you want includes hanging out with the other volunteers in the kitchen, by yourself in the cabin (the spite reading is moving along smoothly), or, my personal favorite, go to the pub down the street and drink S. African beer (Windy Corner- is un FREAKIN believable).
Haha some of the volunteers were not in the best shape this morning. haha
2. So, ya know how on a normal computer word check will underline every mispelling in red. Well since this is an international computer EVERY word is underlined in red.
So i would like to apologize to Ms. Wyman, and other teachers out there that i may have offended with mispellings and improper grammar etc. The swears though, thats all me, and theres no disclaimer big enough for that. (However, Grammie, I love you, and I swear I do not SWEAR this much).
Other then my grandmother, if you dont like swearing, or vulgarity, this might not be the blog for you.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Little Devils
I talked to quite a few of you yesterday after the "lion cub incident". Aww so cute right?
Yeah.... cute just like a baby thats just about to throw up on you.
The lion cubs are a lot cuter when they are behind an electrical fence and not all ganging up on you when you are wearing flips flops, shorts, and a t-shirt. Seriously though, i was like a ninja. One would jump on my back and i would swat it off while another one was wrapping his arms around my leg, and i had to kick him off. It was fun until one bit my side. I yelled to the other dude, "they ... are... taking.. me ... down... pleaaase heeelllpp" The cubs are satanic.
Satanic, and just about ready to be released back into the wild. I dont blame them for trying to eat me though. I am like a walking ice cream sundae.
My roommate Kim shined some light on this situation saying, :you should never go see the lion cubs late at night, and definitely not when they havent been fed that day: she also said to wear pants a long sleeve shirt and sneakers. And never go in there without a guide.
Lesson learned. They still look at me like they want to lick me.
Yeah.... cute just like a baby thats just about to throw up on you.
The lion cubs are a lot cuter when they are behind an electrical fence and not all ganging up on you when you are wearing flips flops, shorts, and a t-shirt. Seriously though, i was like a ninja. One would jump on my back and i would swat it off while another one was wrapping his arms around my leg, and i had to kick him off. It was fun until one bit my side. I yelled to the other dude, "they ... are... taking.. me ... down... pleaaase heeelllpp" The cubs are satanic.
Satanic, and just about ready to be released back into the wild. I dont blame them for trying to eat me though. I am like a walking ice cream sundae.
My roommate Kim shined some light on this situation saying, :you should never go see the lion cubs late at night, and definitely not when they havent been fed that day: she also said to wear pants a long sleeve shirt and sneakers. And never go in there without a guide.
Lesson learned. They still look at me like they want to lick me.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Monsters NOT in my closet.
On a different note.. apparently i talked to you all for too long because when i looked outside the computer room it was pitch black. Shall i remind some people of my shameful secret? I am still afraid of the dark.
I had been on the reserve for less then twelve hours at this point. I didnt know my way around, and i didnt know how serious these guides were in what they told us.
A few things they told us to always remember... check for ticks every moment you can (seriously they are on the tips of every blade of grass you walk by. its nasty), dont drink the water ( bottles of water on the reserve are 2R which equates into less then a quarter in USD) if you see a RHINO just chilling stand very still until it moves on, or if it charges at you scream and clap your hands as loud as possible (Kinda like Hooray! I am going to get trampled!! Oh and did i mention that rhinos, like to hang out at our camp after dark. The really big ones, especially) american suck and always will suck (we get heckeled on a regular basic. dodgy freakin brits), don't leave food out in the kitchen because, with the doors closed, windows locks, etc, the crazy little monkeys WILL molest the food (they dont eat it, they just throw it around. Apparently last week, they broke into the kitchen, stuck there fingers in everything, and then just took a giant dump on the table) and the biggest disclaimer of all... well the most relevant to my story... DO NOT WALK AROUND THE CAMP AT NIGHT.
I could see anything. The moonlight seemed to be facing the other direction (possible?). I had gone down the road once or twice, but it had been daylight. The road forks and i had to choose. Right goes past the lion cubs, and, i swear to god, if i saw another lion cub after the assault, I would have curled up under a tree, sucking my thumb, and rocking back and forth. I went left.
At that point, I convinced myself that every hungry animal was salvating on either side of me as I walked down the hill. I managed my way into my tent, dry pants and all, and sat down on my bed as to stop my heart from exploding. WIDE AWAKE. Remember the story I told you about the unlocked buggy shower and how it was the most terrifying experience yet, that seems like childs play compared to this.
No more moonlit strolls on the Reserve for me. Because seriously, a rhino will laugh at me if i start to clap my hands.
I made a mental note to myself to blog a little bit earlier next time.
I had been on the reserve for less then twelve hours at this point. I didnt know my way around, and i didnt know how serious these guides were in what they told us.
A few things they told us to always remember... check for ticks every moment you can (seriously they are on the tips of every blade of grass you walk by. its nasty), dont drink the water ( bottles of water on the reserve are 2R which equates into less then a quarter in USD) if you see a RHINO just chilling stand very still until it moves on, or if it charges at you scream and clap your hands as loud as possible (Kinda like Hooray! I am going to get trampled!! Oh and did i mention that rhinos, like to hang out at our camp after dark. The really big ones, especially) american suck and always will suck (we get heckeled on a regular basic. dodgy freakin brits), don't leave food out in the kitchen because, with the doors closed, windows locks, etc, the crazy little monkeys WILL molest the food (they dont eat it, they just throw it around. Apparently last week, they broke into the kitchen, stuck there fingers in everything, and then just took a giant dump on the table) and the biggest disclaimer of all... well the most relevant to my story... DO NOT WALK AROUND THE CAMP AT NIGHT.
I could see anything. The moonlight seemed to be facing the other direction (possible?). I had gone down the road once or twice, but it had been daylight. The road forks and i had to choose. Right goes past the lion cubs, and, i swear to god, if i saw another lion cub after the assault, I would have curled up under a tree, sucking my thumb, and rocking back and forth. I went left.
At that point, I convinced myself that every hungry animal was salvating on either side of me as I walked down the hill. I managed my way into my tent, dry pants and all, and sat down on my bed as to stop my heart from exploding. WIDE AWAKE. Remember the story I told you about the unlocked buggy shower and how it was the most terrifying experience yet, that seems like childs play compared to this.
No more moonlit strolls on the Reserve for me. Because seriously, a rhino will laugh at me if i start to clap my hands.
I made a mental note to myself to blog a little bit earlier next time.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
The Real Deal.
Couldn't sleep last night. Program tomorrow. Giddy, like a kid on christmas morning. Definitely ready to leave the BPR after going to sleep hungry and waking the next morning to the guy who told me, at 6:30 in the morning, that he needed at least two people to make a pot of coffee. One, "whatever dude" later, I almost cried on the way back to my room praying to whoever is up there that the next month of my life was not playing someones burden.
Fast forward a bit passed a silent airport ride, and inedible African Subway airport sandwich, and one more gum point for me from the guy, Earl (I swear that was really his name) who sat next to me on African Airways.
Tobs picked me up at the airport and took me to Buccaneers where I would stay a few days before volunteering. He said, with 'i know this girl will pee her pants when i say this' excitement, "I hope you like animals!" I almost peed my pants.
He pulled over the van for everything that moved and I took a picture of everything that moved. I met a guy from Brazil, a photographer, who was in Africa on a job.
I rode with the window open letting the eastern cape of south africa play with my hair.
NOW THIS IS WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT!!
We went over one hill and i knew this was the one. At the peak, I could see the cliffs and the crashing waves of East london, South Africa. I laughed. Hysterically. Maybe because at that point i finally realized what was going on around me was actually real. It was actually happening. It was not a dream. It was not a check, or a credit card number. It was not twenty five covered bar shifts. It wasnt just a subletter and a dog sitter. This was the real deal.
Fast forward a bit passed a silent airport ride, and inedible African Subway airport sandwich, and one more gum point for me from the guy, Earl (I swear that was really his name) who sat next to me on African Airways.
Tobs picked me up at the airport and took me to Buccaneers where I would stay a few days before volunteering. He said, with 'i know this girl will pee her pants when i say this' excitement, "I hope you like animals!" I almost peed my pants.
He pulled over the van for everything that moved and I took a picture of everything that moved. I met a guy from Brazil, a photographer, who was in Africa on a job.
I rode with the window open letting the eastern cape of south africa play with my hair.
NOW THIS IS WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT!!
We went over one hill and i knew this was the one. At the peak, I could see the cliffs and the crashing waves of East london, South Africa. I laughed. Hysterically. Maybe because at that point i finally realized what was going on around me was actually real. It was actually happening. It was not a dream. It was not a check, or a credit card number. It was not twenty five covered bar shifts. It wasnt just a subletter and a dog sitter. This was the real deal.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Am I Saving Elephants yet?
Saturday morning the alarm attached to my wrist interupted my sleep. Huh, i finally noticed my bed was purple. Thats goodluck in my world.
I lay there thinking... in the inbetween time... we all do it.. the time inbetween when you wake up and you actually get out of bed. There was a lot to think about. I am in FreAkIN AfRIcA!?!? popped in to my head a few times.
I stood up for the first time in what felt like a day, and had the swaying feeling in the pit of my stomach like i was standing on a boat but didnt have my sea legs. Later, the dude at the front desk, Peter, told me that it was because the altitude was a mile higher then what I was used to. At least I am a member of one form of the mile high club.
My cousin Jenna recommended a bakery down the street, Fortunos, so I decided to check it out. Apparently they are the best bakery in Joburg. They even had Samosas which reminded me of the Saturday Farmers market in downtown Burlington in the summer..
I tried to order a coffee. The lady asked me what size.. ok normal question.. she asked me what kind... i said hot.. she asked me what kind again... and i said the kind that wakes you up... and i somehow managed to get a coffee... there just may have been pee in it.
I met a girl/lady named Sarah from Melbourne Australie who was taking the same tour to Soweto. We were the only two people on the tour. She chewed my gum. She was stopping in Joburg on enroute to some other african country to teach english to little ones.
There are two huge towers in the middle of Soweto that are made of brick and painted with murals of trees and people playing music. There is a bridge between them where people bungee jump. The tour guide said no locals ever do it and that it is more for tourists. Thank god no one was there to double dog dare me.
Everyday in Soweto they have a farmers market where the women sell jewelry and fruit and the men work on cars. There was a small tent in the middle of it all with a handwritten sign that read "Barber". Inside, an old man held a pair of clippers and little boys lined up down the street.
In the poorest parts of Soweto houses were made with aluminum and patched with newspapers. The only toilets were portopotties in the center. The houses were smaller then my bedroom and housed sometimes more then six people. Women were doing laundry in plastic tubs as we drove by, and young boys were hanging socks to dry on the fences that separated the "houses". Considering the close quarters and the trash infested streets, the people seemed fairly happy. Children kicked a around a deflated soccerball in the streets, and woman sat in circles chatting.
We drove up a few blocks and everything suddenly changed. Men were walking down the streets on their cell phones as we passed BMW's and Mercedes. The roads were clean and the large modern looking houses were protected with gates and security systems. We drove by Nelson Mandela's house, where his xwife Winnie currently resides, and some other nobel peace prize winner (i forget). Then we went to the place where some dude Hector was shot in the face, sparking a huge revolt between the african students and the afrikaan dutch white teachers. Black people couldnt even own land until 1990 when the aparthied ended. Pretty intense. I passed on the Apartheid museum.
After that I needed a beer.
After that I didnt really know what to do with myself so I read outside in the gardens. I catch myself reaching into my pocket to check my phone even though i know its shut off. Other times, I can swear I feel something vibrate. I think its a sign that some one is thinking about me. Cooper?
Can it be tomorrow already? Joburg is cool and all but I can read books out of spite back in Burlington. I am here to hang out with Elephants! LETS DO THIS PEOPLE!!!!
I lay there thinking... in the inbetween time... we all do it.. the time inbetween when you wake up and you actually get out of bed. There was a lot to think about. I am in FreAkIN AfRIcA!?!? popped in to my head a few times.
I stood up for the first time in what felt like a day, and had the swaying feeling in the pit of my stomach like i was standing on a boat but didnt have my sea legs. Later, the dude at the front desk, Peter, told me that it was because the altitude was a mile higher then what I was used to. At least I am a member of one form of the mile high club.
My cousin Jenna recommended a bakery down the street, Fortunos, so I decided to check it out. Apparently they are the best bakery in Joburg. They even had Samosas which reminded me of the Saturday Farmers market in downtown Burlington in the summer..
I tried to order a coffee. The lady asked me what size.. ok normal question.. she asked me what kind... i said hot.. she asked me what kind again... and i said the kind that wakes you up... and i somehow managed to get a coffee... there just may have been pee in it.
I met a girl/lady named Sarah from Melbourne Australie who was taking the same tour to Soweto. We were the only two people on the tour. She chewed my gum. She was stopping in Joburg on enroute to some other african country to teach english to little ones.
There are two huge towers in the middle of Soweto that are made of brick and painted with murals of trees and people playing music. There is a bridge between them where people bungee jump. The tour guide said no locals ever do it and that it is more for tourists. Thank god no one was there to double dog dare me.
Everyday in Soweto they have a farmers market where the women sell jewelry and fruit and the men work on cars. There was a small tent in the middle of it all with a handwritten sign that read "Barber". Inside, an old man held a pair of clippers and little boys lined up down the street.
In the poorest parts of Soweto houses were made with aluminum and patched with newspapers. The only toilets were portopotties in the center. The houses were smaller then my bedroom and housed sometimes more then six people. Women were doing laundry in plastic tubs as we drove by, and young boys were hanging socks to dry on the fences that separated the "houses". Considering the close quarters and the trash infested streets, the people seemed fairly happy. Children kicked a around a deflated soccerball in the streets, and woman sat in circles chatting.
We drove up a few blocks and everything suddenly changed. Men were walking down the streets on their cell phones as we passed BMW's and Mercedes. The roads were clean and the large modern looking houses were protected with gates and security systems. We drove by Nelson Mandela's house, where his xwife Winnie currently resides, and some other nobel peace prize winner (i forget). Then we went to the place where some dude Hector was shot in the face, sparking a huge revolt between the african students and the afrikaan dutch white teachers. Black people couldnt even own land until 1990 when the aparthied ended. Pretty intense. I passed on the Apartheid museum.
After that I needed a beer.
After that I didnt really know what to do with myself so I read outside in the gardens. I catch myself reaching into my pocket to check my phone even though i know its shut off. Other times, I can swear I feel something vibrate. I think its a sign that some one is thinking about me. Cooper?
Can it be tomorrow already? Joburg is cool and all but I can read books out of spite back in Burlington. I am here to hang out with Elephants! LETS DO THIS PEOPLE!!!!
Reeee Reee Reee
So far the scariest thing I have done in South Africa was take a shower in the pitch dark in an UNlocked bathroom down the hill from the hostel.
Unlocked.
Meaning anyone could... oh... i am terrified just thinking about it....
...and did i mention the bugs?
You may be wondering: Tara, wow, you must have very good vision to see bugs in the pitch black. Valid thought. Anyhow, I McGyvered (sp) my headlamp in the corner of the shower to shine down on my Pantene which was also became a magnet for this inch long wanna be pricker things. Plus, light or dark, anyone can feel a bug smack into the side of your head.
Besides the fear of dying an African Psycho death, the water pressure and hot water were surprisingly pleasant.
Unlocked.
Meaning anyone could... oh... i am terrified just thinking about it....
...and did i mention the bugs?
You may be wondering: Tara, wow, you must have very good vision to see bugs in the pitch black. Valid thought. Anyhow, I McGyvered (sp) my headlamp in the corner of the shower to shine down on my Pantene which was also became a magnet for this inch long wanna be pricker things. Plus, light or dark, anyone can feel a bug smack into the side of your head.
Besides the fear of dying an African Psycho death, the water pressure and hot water were surprisingly pleasant.
London has been kickflipped.
Hey Guys!
I am finally in Jo-Burg, SA. Getting here was a bunch of fun! Actually, it wasn't and that is a huge lie. HUGE.
I thought it would be a piece of cake flying from Logan to Heathrow. I didnt have any drugs(illegal) or firearms ( however, the blue lady did inspect my pen with unusual suspect). I even went beltless, which helped me to get through the metal detector with ease, but was problematic later on in my airport adventure. I wont get into that.
I had special pills, Nyquil, and Advil PM, pumping through my system, yet lacked the ability to sleep. I worked on #9 on my list and played "Bombs over Baghdad" on repeat. I read a trashy magazine but it wasnt the same without having someone next to me to point out the most ridiculous stories/fashion statements/ anything involving Lady Gaga.
The damn book I carried on was my new enemy, getting in the way of everything i really needed. When was the last time I even read a book? I decided to read it purely out of spite. But, setting it on fire was not out of the question.
I landed in Heathrow a complete zombie. I sat backwards on the train to London by accident and thought about that time I got sick at that carnival on that ride after I ate that Rice Krispy Treat cereal.
But for some reason I felt the need, after not a moment of sleep, to ride around London in a bright red double decker bus. I did not see one famous person. But did see the London Eye, a huge ferris wheel built for the millenium. Also, Big Ben (which is the bell BTW not the clock) And just to let everyone know, the London Bridge is FINE, it is not falling down at all.
Everything is "dodgy" and "mad". I told the wall to "dodge this" before I kicked flipped the hell out of it. Note to self: Add Kick flip something in every major city to list of things to do before i die.
I sat at the restuarant for a while and every person who sat beside me ordered fish and chips. seriously. It was not cool.
Another uncool part about Heathrow was that i had to pay to use the toilet. Well, I actually had to buy a diet coke to make change to pay to use the toilet. Which doesnt seem reasonable to me at this very moment. I dropped my shirt on the floor of the bathroom and immediately threw it away. Ew airport bathroom floor. Ew.
After i used the toilet, i loitered in the bathroom for a few minufes, just to make sure i got my moneys worth. 3 Pounds and a shirt. Thats MAD.
On the plane to SA, I thought for a hot second that i had the whole row to myself. How FREAKIN COOL RIGHT? I went to stretch out across all three seats, and just as i was about to pass out ( i hadnt slept in over 30 hours at this point) some dude sat on my feet! Literally, his ass touched my foot. It was gross. That wasnt even his seat. I assumed the one ticket holder in the row automatically absorbed the rights to the nearest seats if those seats at any point become vacant.
He ended up letting me use his cell phone after we landed so that I could call the Backpackers Ritz where i was staying. He was really nice and i felt bad for cursing him for the past ten hours.
When i got to the Ritz it was 9am and i had slept for 5 hours in the last two days. I passed out from 9 to 8pm when i woke up just to eat dinner... chicken potjie with apricot (i still cant figure out if that is a misspelling on their part or if potjie is some secret african dish ) Either way it was delicious. It had rained all day and i justified my catching up on sleep with the fact that i probably wouldnt have done anything anyway. Then I went back to sleep until the morning.
Today I went to SOWETO.
But I will tell you about that later. Some dude just walked in and his cologne is rank.
I am finally in Jo-Burg, SA. Getting here was a bunch of fun! Actually, it wasn't and that is a huge lie. HUGE.
I thought it would be a piece of cake flying from Logan to Heathrow. I didnt have any drugs(illegal) or firearms ( however, the blue lady did inspect my pen with unusual suspect). I even went beltless, which helped me to get through the metal detector with ease, but was problematic later on in my airport adventure. I wont get into that.
I had special pills, Nyquil, and Advil PM, pumping through my system, yet lacked the ability to sleep. I worked on #9 on my list and played "Bombs over Baghdad" on repeat. I read a trashy magazine but it wasnt the same without having someone next to me to point out the most ridiculous stories/fashion statements/ anything involving Lady Gaga.
The damn book I carried on was my new enemy, getting in the way of everything i really needed. When was the last time I even read a book? I decided to read it purely out of spite. But, setting it on fire was not out of the question.
I landed in Heathrow a complete zombie. I sat backwards on the train to London by accident and thought about that time I got sick at that carnival on that ride after I ate that Rice Krispy Treat cereal.
But for some reason I felt the need, after not a moment of sleep, to ride around London in a bright red double decker bus. I did not see one famous person. But did see the London Eye, a huge ferris wheel built for the millenium. Also, Big Ben (which is the bell BTW not the clock) And just to let everyone know, the London Bridge is FINE, it is not falling down at all.
Everything is "dodgy" and "mad". I told the wall to "dodge this" before I kicked flipped the hell out of it. Note to self: Add Kick flip something in every major city to list of things to do before i die.
I sat at the restuarant for a while and every person who sat beside me ordered fish and chips. seriously. It was not cool.
Another uncool part about Heathrow was that i had to pay to use the toilet. Well, I actually had to buy a diet coke to make change to pay to use the toilet. Which doesnt seem reasonable to me at this very moment. I dropped my shirt on the floor of the bathroom and immediately threw it away. Ew airport bathroom floor. Ew.
After i used the toilet, i loitered in the bathroom for a few minufes, just to make sure i got my moneys worth. 3 Pounds and a shirt. Thats MAD.
On the plane to SA, I thought for a hot second that i had the whole row to myself. How FREAKIN COOL RIGHT? I went to stretch out across all three seats, and just as i was about to pass out ( i hadnt slept in over 30 hours at this point) some dude sat on my feet! Literally, his ass touched my foot. It was gross. That wasnt even his seat. I assumed the one ticket holder in the row automatically absorbed the rights to the nearest seats if those seats at any point become vacant.
He ended up letting me use his cell phone after we landed so that I could call the Backpackers Ritz where i was staying. He was really nice and i felt bad for cursing him for the past ten hours.
When i got to the Ritz it was 9am and i had slept for 5 hours in the last two days. I passed out from 9 to 8pm when i woke up just to eat dinner... chicken potjie with apricot (i still cant figure out if that is a misspelling on their part or if potjie is some secret african dish ) Either way it was delicious. It had rained all day and i justified my catching up on sleep with the fact that i probably wouldnt have done anything anyway. Then I went back to sleep until the morning.
Today I went to SOWETO.
But I will tell you about that later. Some dude just walked in and his cologne is rank.
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